3’s a crowd?

When we were in Alabama in 2012, we went to church at a pretty contemporary Methodist church.  They had an amazing child care program, so Mark and I felt comfortable leaving our kids in the child care there during the services.  One Sunday, we sat down behind a family that had 3 older kids, probably ranging from middle school to high school and I remember thinking, that’s what I want.  From then on, I’ve kind of had the idea in my head of having at least three kids, which means 2 down, one to go.  (Before friends and family read any further, no, I’m not pregnant.  This is purely just my thoughts.)

I love both of my kids although some days I would give almost anything to have a relaxing day at home by myself to do whatever I wanted.  Or to be able to clean my house and have it actually stay clean for more than 35 seconds after the kids get up.  Or to not have to repeat myself 14 times before my 4 year old decides to listen.  Or to actually be able to talk to my husband during meals, instead of telling kids to eat, or listening to made up stories.  All of that would be nice, but if the truth is told, I wouldn’t trade this, what I have right now, for the world.  I think parenting goes in waves – some months you love it, some months you don’t exactly love it – but all the thankless duties you do as a parent are always worth it in the end.  Ben just started giving kisses.  Big, wet, open-mouthed, sloppy kisses.  They just make all the “not-so-good” times seem pretty insignificant.

But thinking of having another kid scares me too.  Kids are EXPENSIVE.  Maybe not as babies since we still have all of our baby things and furniture and clothes from the first two.  But then they get in to preschool and all of a sudden you’re paying $450/month for preschool and $60/month for dance lessons and $70/month for swimming lessons and $100+/month for babysitters, and I know it’s only going to get more expensive from here!  School sports, and cars, and college educations and weddings!  And buying bigger cars because the ones we have no longer comfortably fit 5 and buying/renting bigger houses and paying more for vacations because of more people.  These are the things that I think about and that are a little scary to me!

On top of the money, I wonder if I’m pushing my luck sometimes too.  I have two perfect, healthy children.  What if my luck runs out in that department and our third child is not perfectly healthy?  Then what?  I know we’d deal with it like any other family with a special needs child does, but it does worry me.  What if I have more issues during pregnancy?  The last part of my pregnancy with Ben wasn’t exactly fun with doing NST’s twice a week and have gestational diabetes and having to take my blood sugars all the time.  Sure, I’d be willing to go through all of that again for another one, but what if things are more complicated this time around?

All in all, the benefits of trying for a third child far outweigh the risks, and I would love to have another baby, but I am a little nervous.  Three of my best friends are currently pregnant.  I am so excited and happy for them.  And I know as soon as I get one sniff of any of their babies, I’m going to want another one!